it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
