omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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