he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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