Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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