I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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