I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize