It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
