dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
