used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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