I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we made out on top of his cat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
