he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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