there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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