question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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