No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
