he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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