im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
