Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize