That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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