The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
