i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
