good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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