my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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