No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
