Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
