Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
