Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
