Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
