A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
