How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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