I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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