respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
