WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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