I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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