So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
