True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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