I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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