I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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