so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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