We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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