btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
