I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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