my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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