I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
