i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Life is so much better after having sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
