..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
