In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
