I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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