Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
