he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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