I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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