I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
