i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize