oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
3pm strippers are depressing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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