Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I looked at my own cervix.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
