coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
