Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
