I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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