My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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