Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
