areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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