Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
