dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
