I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
