He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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