We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
