And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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