Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
