I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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