Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
