just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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