If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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