Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
