Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
