i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
