...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
