At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
