She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
