I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
